Day 1 – 10pm

Now is about the time I’d be sitting down to play 360.  I can’t believe how strong of a pull I’m feeling right now to play.  It’s like I’ve forgotten to do something really important, but I can’t quite remember what it is.

The question I’m struggling with now is, what about tv?  Isn’t sitting down and zoning out in front of the tv essentially the same thing as playing a game?  I’ve gone through several stages in my life where I’ve zoned out for hours in front of the tv almost everyday.  I really don’t want to fall back into that pattern.

After thinking about it for a while, I decided I’ll allow myself to watch a little tv.  However, I have to decide what I’m going to watch beforehand, and then only watch that program.  No flipping channels endlessly until after midnight.   To be honest though, I really have no interest.  I just wanna play 360.

Day 1 – Withdrawal?

I didn’t get much sleep last night, and to top it off I have a killer headache. I don’t know if it’s related, but I can’t seem to stop thinking about Halo 3. I find myself daydreaming about shooting the needler. I love that beautiful pink gun. How fucked up is that?

I sold my copy of Oblivion online this afternoon for $15. Before starting this blog I sold off most of my games. I wasn’t trying to stop playing at the time, I just wanted to free up some cash for new titles. Anyway, so now I’m down to just Halo 3. Maybe I should sell it too? It is the main game most of my friends play. I don’t want to completely ostracize myself. And the thought of never playing Halo again is pretty freaking depressing.

My head hurts just thinking about all of this.

Day 0 – 6 hours and counting

It’s almost 2am and I can’t sleep. I really wanna buy a copy of Quake 4 online. It’s only $12 on half.com and damn that demo was fun. Maybe a copy of Madden 08 too, I heard Shawne Merriman on Mike & Mike this morning claiming he was really good and likes to play on Live almost every night.

This is gonna sound stupid, but I feel kinda scared about the days to come. I really enjoy my escape each night onto xbox live. Talkin’ shit with friends, killing teenagers, racking up experience points…fuck, maybe this isn’t such a good idea.

One month without Xbox 360

No 360 for one month. Lets call it a test, I want to see if my hobby is really having a negative affect on my life. So tonight I’m unpluggin’ my baby, and putting her away until March 1.

Just for kicks, here’s a taste of the shit going on in my head:

“Fuck it, just delete the post. This is stupid, what the fuck am I going to do with all that spare time? What about this weekend, it’s -20 out and I’m gonna be stuck inside all day with nothing to do. I hate being alone and bored, I just end up depressed. Shit, what are my friends gonna say. Yah, I bet they’ll be real understanding of this stupid idea. …okay, but after one more game of Halo.“

Investigation

I did a quick Google search and stumbled across Shavaun Scott, a psychotherapist specializing in video game addiction.  I think her best stuff is the four part series she posted on YouTube about her personal thoughts on gaming addiction. (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4)

Just quickly to summarize, Dr. Scott believes that people who play games excessively are searching for something they cannot find in real life. Her main question to gamers seems to be, is your game play preventing you from achieving other goals in your life. My answer — an unfortunate yes.

Gamer or Addict?

I turned off my beloved 360 after coming to the realization that I may, and I stress the word MAY, be addicted. My head didn’t explode with this sudden epiphany, but a short conversation with my girlfriend has made me question my hobby. Here’s what was said:

GF: Whatcha gonna do tonight?

Me: Nothing, just fart around the apartment I guess.

GF: So you’re gonna play games all night?

Me: Nah, I don’t know if I really feel like it tonight. Why do you say that?

GF: Well what else would you do?

Ouch. I know she wasn’t trying to be mean, but that kinda hurt. Is playing for 2-3 hours a night too much? Shit, now that I think about it, I played from 9:00pm last night until after 1am. Still, ‘addict’ is too strong of a word. I’m not beggin’ for change on the street so I can get my next fix of Halo. I haven’t lost my job or gained 200 lbs. I just like playing video games, what’s wrong with that?

So I guess my question is, am I a gamer or am I an addict.