Day 81 – Relapse?

A few days ago a friend send me a short Halo 3 video.  The context of the video is unimportant, what scared me was that after literally five seconds I had to turn it off.  All I watched the player turn and fire his gun, and I could instantly feel myself getting pulled back into the game.  Since then my urges to play have come back in full force.  I WANT to play again.  I just don’t understand how can something so small can erase all the months of work I’ve put into fighting my addiction?

Day 67 – Discipline

On Friday I took my cable box to work with me and left it there for the weekend.  Lately I’ve been increasingly using TV as an escape, and thought, if I removed my ability to watch TV that I would have a more productive weekend.   Basically, I just want to force myself to study for the LSAT.  Unfortunately, I find myself gravitating to the computer now.  Wasting hours reading blogs and playing poker.  Maybe addiction isn’t the right word to describe my problem.  Maybe what I really need is more self discipline?

The issue I’m having is that it just feels natural/right to walk over and turn the computer on.  Forcing myself to do something else feels foreign and somehow wrong.  Perhaps its thousands of hours of practice, molding my brain to think this is the best environment for my own well being.  I can remember waaaay back at the beginning, when I first got my Nintendo Entertainment System.  Back then it was difficult to play for more than two hours.  I remember getting a headache after staring at the screen for too long.  Why doesn’t that happen to me anymore?  Is it the quality of the monitors/TVs?  Or maybe I’ve just practiced so much, that I’m really good at this now.

65 days

Two weeks ago I sold my xbox.  After 50+ days without playing, it had become exceedingly obvious that my life was better without gamin’.  I haven’t transformed into an instant superior version of myself, but my life is slowly heading in a new, and I think better, direction.  I’m discovering new interests, new goals, and most importantly new found confidence in myself.  So I am happy to report that after going 65 days without gamin’, I no longer feel the urge to play…at least not everyday.   I do occasionally feel the “pull” when I see a commerical on tv, or when I pass the video game section in a store.  But then, I’ve been playing video games for over two decades, so it’s probably gonna take more than two months to lick this thing.