Day 13 – Xbox Magazine Arrives

And I was doing so well. I got the mail today after work and found a brand spankin’ new issue of xbox magazine sitting right along side my electric bill.  Damn it.  There’s really nothing out on the market I really want to play, but it looks like there’s some sweet shit coming out soon. The whole 30-days-without thing is easy when I not really missing anything.  But what happens when the next big thing comes out?  And where am I going with this?  Should I start back up after 30 days?  Should I give up gamin’ forever?  Can I really start playing again on a limited, controlled, basis?  Fuck this, there’s just too many questions to answer right now. I’m gonna go make myself dinner and forget I ever saw that freakin’ magazine.

BTW, the mag went in the trash, and I still have not turned on my xbox.

Day 12 – Vacation

I got away for a few days with a couple of friends. Until I left, I didn’t realize how far I’ve come in the last few days. I’m not saying my urge to play completely disappeared, but there were serious chucks of time when I didn’t even think about gamin’. This is new for me, because I have been on vacations in the past and been overwhelmed with an urge to play.

I’m also finding it easier to socialize since I stopped gaming. Maybe my attention span is expanding, or maybe I’m just bored, but talking to people is a little more interesting than it was in the past.

Day 5 – Failure?

While waiting for the Super Bowl to start yesterday I played 5 minutes of a game demo with a friend. He asked twice to show me the demo, and I didn’t want to be a dick, so I conceded. The game was horrible, and it felt really strange playing. Kinda like making out with an ex-girlfriend. Everything feels familiar, but very wrong at the same time. Needless-to-say, I didn’t enjoy myself.

Besides this minor hiccup, things went really well this weekend. I feel less of an urge to play everyday. I took a walk around my neighborhood on Saturday to run some errands, and I realized I hadn’t ever been four blocks south on foot before.

I used some of my new spare time to start a web page last night.  It sounds like a good idea, but I felt some of my escapist-behavior taking over.  I was awake until 12:30pm last night deciding on the best background for my page.  I wish I had instead gotten to bed early and done some reading.   I’ll try again tonight.

Day 3 – Saturday

Shit, today is gonna be hard.  Usually on Saturdays I put in at least six hours on the 360.   It’s just so easy to sit down and zone out.  I can turn on the 360 and completely escape any feelings of anxiety I might be experiencing.  Usually I’m beating myself up of my future, and whether or not I should go back to school.  But not today.  Today I’m going to force myself to run errands and do chores around the house.  Doesn’t walking to the post office and scrubbing the bathtub sound like fun?

Oh man am I fighting the urge to play right now.  I can feel the controller in my hands.

Day 2

So far no tv and no video games.

I never realized how much my 360 was hindering my social life. Typically I would resent having to go out on a Friday night, at least partially. I always felt that I’d have more fun sitting at home playing games rather than hitting up a bar. But, with games no longer an option, I feel a little more excited about going out. Tonight I went out to dinner with a friend, and hit up a bar for a few beers. I had a decent time — I’d say that makes day two a success. I am, however, still feeling the urge to play.

Day 1 – 10pm

Now is about the time I’d be sitting down to play 360.  I can’t believe how strong of a pull I’m feeling right now to play.  It’s like I’ve forgotten to do something really important, but I can’t quite remember what it is.

The question I’m struggling with now is, what about tv?  Isn’t sitting down and zoning out in front of the tv essentially the same thing as playing a game?  I’ve gone through several stages in my life where I’ve zoned out for hours in front of the tv almost everyday.  I really don’t want to fall back into that pattern.

After thinking about it for a while, I decided I’ll allow myself to watch a little tv.  However, I have to decide what I’m going to watch beforehand, and then only watch that program.  No flipping channels endlessly until after midnight.   To be honest though, I really have no interest.  I just wanna play 360.

Day 1 – Withdrawal?

I didn’t get much sleep last night, and to top it off I have a killer headache. I don’t know if it’s related, but I can’t seem to stop thinking about Halo 3. I find myself daydreaming about shooting the needler. I love that beautiful pink gun. How fucked up is that?

I sold my copy of Oblivion online this afternoon for $15. Before starting this blog I sold off most of my games. I wasn’t trying to stop playing at the time, I just wanted to free up some cash for new titles. Anyway, so now I’m down to just Halo 3. Maybe I should sell it too? It is the main game most of my friends play. I don’t want to completely ostracize myself. And the thought of never playing Halo again is pretty freaking depressing.

My head hurts just thinking about all of this.

Day 0 – 6 hours and counting

It’s almost 2am and I can’t sleep. I really wanna buy a copy of Quake 4 online. It’s only $12 on half.com and damn that demo was fun. Maybe a copy of Madden 08 too, I heard Shawne Merriman on Mike & Mike this morning claiming he was really good and likes to play on Live almost every night.

This is gonna sound stupid, but I feel kinda scared about the days to come. I really enjoy my escape each night onto xbox live. Talkin’ shit with friends, killing teenagers, racking up experience points…fuck, maybe this isn’t such a good idea.

One month without Xbox 360

No 360 for one month. Lets call it a test, I want to see if my hobby is really having a negative affect on my life. So tonight I’m unpluggin’ my baby, and putting her away until March 1.

Just for kicks, here’s a taste of the shit going on in my head:

“Fuck it, just delete the post. This is stupid, what the fuck am I going to do with all that spare time? What about this weekend, it’s -20 out and I’m gonna be stuck inside all day with nothing to do. I hate being alone and bored, I just end up depressed. Shit, what are my friends gonna say. Yah, I bet they’ll be real understanding of this stupid idea. …okay, but after one more game of Halo.“

Investigation

I did a quick Google search and stumbled across Shavaun Scott, a psychotherapist specializing in video game addiction.  I think her best stuff is the four part series she posted on YouTube about her personal thoughts on gaming addiction. (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4)

Just quickly to summarize, Dr. Scott believes that people who play games excessively are searching for something they cannot find in real life. Her main question to gamers seems to be, is your game play preventing you from achieving other goals in your life. My answer — an unfortunate yes.